建轨迹痕二

Misplaced:-

• The Exercise
• the structure in the exercise has a sense of wholeness and progression which i like

• however, the ME is too conscious to allow the structure to lead my thoughts and emotions

• perhaps if the exercise was done over a longer period of time, the ME will eventually go with the impulse? (i could feel ME thinking lesser and lesser after each short segment of the exercise but i think i am not letting the ME go fast enough. will try to let go faster next time :))

• the running makes ME tired and when ME gets tired, ME only wants to let it all out through some monotonous hums

• i like the paper tube.. it reminds me of a hole in the tree.. a place where i can share my secrets and not worry about anyone finding out
  

• The Concept
• the more i think about the word, the more i am reminded about the phrase "same same but different". i was thinking, perhaps misplace-ment comes about when we stop focusing on the sameness and starts to realize the difference? actually, at the end of the day, we are all the same people with differences. perhaps the whole "problem" of misplace-ment can be solved if we learn to reconcile with our differences and remind ourselves of our same-ness?

• is everyone concerned about / aware of being misplaced?

• perhaps life is about finding one's placement in a misplaced world?

• things that could be or are perpetually being misplaced:-
• emotions
• relationships
• actions / movements / bodies
  
• time
  
• space
  
• intentions / thoughts
  
• words / language / sounds

死去活來:-

• The Exercise
• am not musically inclined, nor do i have a great sense of rhythm but i still enjoyed the drumming-cum-chiang chiang session

• enjoyed the process of absolute concentration in trying to keep up with the rhythm
  

• it's interesting that absolute concentration is the key to being able to multi-task -- by focusing only on one thing, ie. the beats, clowning about in the room becomes easier. but once i lose focus on the beat, i realize i lose all my basic motor skills too

• music does help me to get into the state more easily

• percussions are inherently ritualistic
  

• rituals are inherently simple

• The Dolls
• i don't have a particular fascination with the dolls, though i always feel that they match the house perfectly

• i don't have much of a chance to talk about the house or the dolls or things related to them because of their taboo nature
  

• i was told that it's a taboo to take photos at a funeral because you will either lose a limb or capture some unwanted images
  

• i have always regarded funerals as one of the grandest performances i have ever seen -- the music, the various rituals, the crying by the coffin and laughing at the mahjong table even before the tears could dry and the gianormous fire created from burning the props for afterlife (the fire was the least pretentious element of them all)

• i think the dead are the calmest being to be with -- i used to love being the one stationed by the tin can burning incense paper. the tradition my family practiced was that the incense paper must burn continuously, starting from the moment the person is certified dead. so there i was, in my grandparent's room, happily throwing pieces of paper into the fire. the corpse was lying on a bed behind me and as i watch the incense paper breathe rhythmically in hues of orange, i thought i could feel time coming to a complete standstill (perhaps it was an illusion, since the clock would be made to stop working when someone in my family dies)

Gone With The Wind:-
(don't know why i keep thinking about the Wind in the Willows when i see this title :P)

• The Exercise
• the idea of a loved one being resurrected by a gust of wind set my melodramatic brain working, hence i tried to set things straight again by trying to focus on the balloon lying in front of me. it took me quite a while but i was actually quite fine with it because once i got over the melodramatic images conjured up in my head, i find it easier to move on and get on my feet

• i enjoyed being "caressed" by the balloon and being able to keep the balloon floating in mid-air

• i didn't like the smell of rubber because it made me conscious of the fact that the balloon might burst at any moment

• the use of balloons as a point of interaction is very interesting because it amplifies my energy and at times, takes over the control and direction of the improv
• the balloon is gentle and calm when i am gentle and calm towards it
• the balloon gets out of control when i attempt to kick it around
• i try to let go of the balloon but the balloon kept coming back to me
• but when the balloon started to float away, i find myself desperately trying to grab hold of its string
• at the end of it all, perhaps it's the balloon that was leading the improv?

• The Homework
• i like balloons filled with helium because i like the tension in the pushing and pulling

• there is a constant struggle of the balloon wanting to break free by pulling upwards and me wanting to hold on

• the me at the end of the string also has to struggle between the desire to hold on to the balloon and the desire to see the balloon fly high up in the sky

• i like to see balloons fly up high in the sky and the moment of release is always very simple but touching for me

• after all that awe and indulgence in the balloon being freed, i would almost immediately regretting letting it go

• last night, i had a different struggle with my helium balloon -- the struggle stems from the realization that the balloon might end up as a pollutant should i really let go of the string. so in the end, i decided to let out the helium and dispose the deflated balloon into the bin. not a beautiful way to end my one day affair with the balloon but i was happy at being able to save the future amidst my indulgence :P