Trigger Happy : 孤獨 Happy Bus

Tonight, I decided to take a bus home instead.

As I sat on the bus, my mind started drifting in and out of the two worlds like a wandering soul.

Sitting on that ever-so familiar bus, I suddenly realised that it was actually a very good place for solitude. The fogged up glass seemed to cut off all contacts with the outside world and added a sense of mystery to the orange glow beyond.

Solitude is being able to drift off to a world of my own while sitting at the back of a double-decker bus filled with people.

I noticed the people just like the way I could feel the cold air seeping through my body. They are there, but never intruding. All of a sudden, the upper deck of the bus seemed to have expanded beyond the fogged up glass. It was never clear if the mystical orange glow was really on the outside or part of this vast space. For a moment, the two worlds seemed to have merged into a single, harmonious whole.

Even the TV mobile kept its presence to a minimal level. It was heard. But never intrusive.

Solitude is listening to Chen Qizhen’s songs while watching kids fall flat on their faces.

Solitude is sitting on a two-seater thinking where all these thinking is going to lead me to. Of course, it did not take me long to realize how small the seats on the bus are. It is strange how it did not feel that small when you sat beside me. Perhaps when two people get together, less space is needed?

As my mind pondered on that, my eyes found other things to keep them entertained. I found myself observing the shoes and legs of the people on the bus, trying to make out what kind of a person he or she would be.

Solitude is to be able to co-exist in the same space without existing at the same time. (You are there but you are not there and seriously, I do not really mind you being there. For my mind is elsewhere and that the two worlds are not really that disparate after all.)

As I approached my destination, the fogged up glass began to clear.

As I approached my stop, the fog in my mind began to clear too.

I miss those late night bus rides home.

I miss setting my mind on an aimless wander amidst the orange lights.

Most of all, I miss having the cold, cold air cleanse my troubled soul.

I am so glad I decided to take a bus home tonight.